I really hope I can bring hope for someone. There are times, when blogging is so difficult for me. I feel like I'm taking all the focus and attention and I don't want to have that. I want others to know, how it is I am able to do all that I can. How I'm able to breathe each day in and out and not give up, not slow down, not to let discouragement overcome me. I am blessed, I am overcome by the Blood of the Lamb and the Word of my testimony. My testimony. I have struggled in the past with wanting, feeling that I need control of situations. God gently reminds me that HE is in control and I am the passenger. It also helps if I am the willing passenger.
Today's message in church, HE is MORE. GOD YOU ARE ______________! You are more than enough and I don't need to try and be in control. I don't need to hold back because YOU are the only one who really matters in my life, God. You rise me in the morning, you ease me to sleep at night. You are more than I could ever do or be. You created this earth, the birds who sing, the grass that grows and you love me, more than I even love myself. God I give you control, complete control. I won't allow worry or doubt to creep in. I will remember that emotions are temporary, but you in my life God, I want forever. Guide me and lead me. If it's this blog to give hope to someone, I will release control and give to you God. I love you and want you to be in, around and through my life, so that others may see YOUR good works and GLORIFY you in heaven! I love you LORD!
Please LORD, be with my church family this week and in the weeks to come. AMEN!
Love you, love me, love you, love me!
Sunday, June 7, 2015
Tuesday, June 2, 2015
6.2.15 What will it be?
She blogs... she blogs!
Sorry I haven't been on here in awhile folks. Busy? Maybe. Let me check my past facebook updates. I had a few downer days. My last homeboy (oncologist) appt was last week. My pet ct came back with something on my chest, probably cerranoma tissue from scars and on my throat, probably from thyroid. Sheesh. And this is all good. Because there is a reasonable answer. And it all makes sense. So then I had a crazy couple of days before the homeboy appointment and the night before and the morning of, just complete nausea, panic attacks (2) almost in tears. I took meds the night before, then once at the clinic. I wasn't clear to start my infusion of Herceptin and told to take a break from the Lapatinib. Done and done. Then this week (yesterday) I had a different sort of panic a kind of mental downer. Things kinda just catching up with me. But with a ton of prayers and HUGE support from the hubby I made it into the infusion room and got the Herceptin (WITHOUT premeds)! This is huge. Pre-meds for me can include anti-anxious, tylenol, benedryl, and anti-nausea. So proud of that!
In the home front, I had the 7 year old crying when I left. Which, well no mom likes to leave a crying one behind... or DO THEY? I am so very proud of the two older ones who I know are capable of helping out. Today actually marks the second day of getting chores done. I dunno if it's just cause it's treatment week or what, but they seem to do better this week than any other.
We have yet to set out camping yet, maybe tomorrow in the back yard. HMMMMM That's a thought!
My challenges have not changed from what they were a few weeks ago. I still have yet to finish that quilt. I think I am crazy scared it's going to come out looking crazy.
Funny thing about quilts, we can only see a part and the pieces, we're like this will NEVER go together...HOW WILL THIS GO TOGETHER? And as you cut and piece and piece (and cut) and sew, they slowly take shape and form and in the end, even if the pieces didn't go together, they go together. I've taken to watching Married at first sight. A "reality" show about couples who are placed together after taking an in-depth questionnaire. They actually have a ceremony and go through 6 weeks of married life. Then in the end decide if they want to get married or divorce. It's interesting to see if they will go together (they'll NEVER make it, HOW WILL THEY MAKE IT TOGETHER?) And somehow they do. Taking into consideration it is TELEVISION. There is a guy there holding a camera over them. But still interesting.
When two lives come together, they have all these hopes, dreams, love. Little pieces of this big quilt yet to be put together.
When you start something big in life, recovery, treatment, marriage, having kids, graduating, even working out to be healthy. You are given a few pieces and you slowly put together. Even if you lay the pieces out, you still don't know fully what you are going to get. You just have the FAITH, that it's going to get there somehow and it will fit together. I am blessed, blessed that this encourages me to finish the quilt, I have BIG plans for it, once it's finished and you'll be there my friends. You'll see, keep on, logging on to find out WHAT and HOW it will make it TOGETHER, we'll get there, I promise... Love you, love me, love you, love me.
Sorry I haven't been on here in awhile folks. Busy? Maybe. Let me check my past facebook updates. I had a few downer days. My last homeboy (oncologist) appt was last week. My pet ct came back with something on my chest, probably cerranoma tissue from scars and on my throat, probably from thyroid. Sheesh. And this is all good. Because there is a reasonable answer. And it all makes sense. So then I had a crazy couple of days before the homeboy appointment and the night before and the morning of, just complete nausea, panic attacks (2) almost in tears. I took meds the night before, then once at the clinic. I wasn't clear to start my infusion of Herceptin and told to take a break from the Lapatinib. Done and done. Then this week (yesterday) I had a different sort of panic a kind of mental downer. Things kinda just catching up with me. But with a ton of prayers and HUGE support from the hubby I made it into the infusion room and got the Herceptin (WITHOUT premeds)! This is huge. Pre-meds for me can include anti-anxious, tylenol, benedryl, and anti-nausea. So proud of that!
In the home front, I had the 7 year old crying when I left. Which, well no mom likes to leave a crying one behind... or DO THEY? I am so very proud of the two older ones who I know are capable of helping out. Today actually marks the second day of getting chores done. I dunno if it's just cause it's treatment week or what, but they seem to do better this week than any other.
We have yet to set out camping yet, maybe tomorrow in the back yard. HMMMMM That's a thought!
My challenges have not changed from what they were a few weeks ago. I still have yet to finish that quilt. I think I am crazy scared it's going to come out looking crazy.
Funny thing about quilts, we can only see a part and the pieces, we're like this will NEVER go together...HOW WILL THIS GO TOGETHER? And as you cut and piece and piece (and cut) and sew, they slowly take shape and form and in the end, even if the pieces didn't go together, they go together. I've taken to watching Married at first sight. A "reality" show about couples who are placed together after taking an in-depth questionnaire. They actually have a ceremony and go through 6 weeks of married life. Then in the end decide if they want to get married or divorce. It's interesting to see if they will go together (they'll NEVER make it, HOW WILL THEY MAKE IT TOGETHER?) And somehow they do. Taking into consideration it is TELEVISION. There is a guy there holding a camera over them. But still interesting.
When two lives come together, they have all these hopes, dreams, love. Little pieces of this big quilt yet to be put together.
When you start something big in life, recovery, treatment, marriage, having kids, graduating, even working out to be healthy. You are given a few pieces and you slowly put together. Even if you lay the pieces out, you still don't know fully what you are going to get. You just have the FAITH, that it's going to get there somehow and it will fit together. I am blessed, blessed that this encourages me to finish the quilt, I have BIG plans for it, once it's finished and you'll be there my friends. You'll see, keep on, logging on to find out WHAT and HOW it will make it TOGETHER, we'll get there, I promise... Love you, love me, love you, love me.
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