6.20.16 When abandoned, Sad really

Ah yes, a sad post... No not really. I happenstance on a blog I once read going through my treatment. I was desperate you see. I was going through the worst of the worst chemo nausea. Stomach issues reeling me into a fetal position on the bathroom floor or in my bed. I cried, nothing soothed. I was given a manual of sorts from the Oncology clinic and had read it front to back and back to front. Beyond frantic I think I was about 3 days out from chemotherapy. So desperately I searched the internet. I typed in something, I don't recall. And up came a blog post about chemo and tums. It was witty and smart and real. I could relate. And so my relationship with tums began. (I found I could tolerate tums and grapes.) Although the blog was two years old, I read and read. It was written by the wife of a man who had brain cancer. They were living their life to the utmost. He was considered stage 4 and unlikely to live longer than I believe a year. He was going through treatment and she was blogging, going through with him. And then, without warning, the posts stopped. Did he live? Were they still together? What had become of my fellow blogging family? I searched the internet. And there they were. He was alive two years later, they were still married. He was living a "normal" life. I could be this person, I could take my tums and live another 2 years, 20 years. I smiled. I found someone who went through this. But the blog, why did it stop, why did she stop posting? Well as inspiration finds others, people began to give so that this couple could live. So they could travel, so dreams could come true. And then someone questioned why this couple needed this. Accusations flew and jealously grew. And it was about this time the blog ended. The real reasons are only known by the writer. I look at this story and see who lived the life. Who deserved to live the life. We all do. In giving selflessly, we live, and we will continue to live as long as we remember it is to be selflessly. See this couple they gave, they gave their story and it helped me to live. I see this blog as my way of giving. It's what I have. It's the story God has given me to share, so I must continue to share and not abandon it, because that would be sad really. Love you, love me, love you, love me.

6.7.16 It's Been a Long Time

There's a song with these. It's by a group called "Backyard Tire Fire". Great song. I love it. It reminds me of recovery. It's been a long time since the skin I'm in felt like mine. I can't seem to find the song online now. But it reminds me of this blog. So here it is. A long time later.

But... it is later. I have found my way back. I moved my TV out of my room shortly after the last post, began working out and now, here. I'm back in my garden, back to life and back to reality. Why all the song lyrics tonight? Not sure.

I had my final surgery to remove my expanders and place in my implants in. So they are in and I am
almost 7 and 1/2 weeks out. I have yet to return to the gym at 100%. All in good time though. The pain at times has been excruciating. Crying, yelping (?) in pain. But it's been mostly nerve pain and lasts for only a second or two (okay maybe a minute). But it ends and I live. :)

I am loving life this Spring/ Summer. I have my family, a chicken coop, a small garden and Tree Bear in my life and am learning to take care of them and myself. I have been through some difficult challenges these last few months, but it has taught me that there is sunshine and life beyond the cold, dark days.

I continue on Herceptin, my maintenance chemotherapy drug, with side effects minimal at this point. I still have achy joints, am tired some days, have dry skin, but all of this is doable, and with all honesty, pleasure compared to other challenges I have faced.

With this I will sign off. Love you, love me, love you, love me.