Wow. It's been a long time! There was this band, Backyard Tire Fire, and I loved their song, "Been a Long Time". I can't seem to find this song anywhere.
It reminded me of over-comers. I think part of the lyrics were, "It's been a long time since the skin I've been in felt like mine".
So here we are today. I've been doing more soul searching, I've been doing some house cleaning on this soul of mine. I have been for some time, I just now realized I am taking the next steps. I will one day find the time to read through this blog and I am sure I will find hope and inspiration!
I have heard in the last two days, "Who are you?"
"What is your story?"
"Do you know who you are?"
"Do you know what has happened?"
And I have been answering these questions, pondering them, and answering them.
My first answer is, "I am Rhonda, I am a survivor. A survivor of more than cancer. A survivor of sexual abuse. A survivor of addiction. A survivor of life."
My story is long, sometimes boring, sometimes funny, sometimes or a lot of times challenging. My story includes you the reader and those who have yet to hear this story.
What has happened? Life. No bigger, no smaller than anyone else. No more challenging, no less challenging.
I really do feel as though I have been awakened at times from this crazy dream. Other times I just glimpse back and feel so very, very grateful.
I have also asked myself, what is my calling? What is my destiny? My calling is to love others, to proclaim to others God's grace, love and mercy. It sounds so cliche, and I'm sure it will coming from a computer screen. But to hear me, to hear my story is another thing. To hear of how much I love you, you would then see.
My destiny. Who do I have a heart for? People. That too would also be the cliche answer. My heart is for those who are hurting. Those who are fighting addiction. Those who have been sexually abused, those who are fighting cancer. My heart is for those whose mothers, sisters, wives, friends are fighting cancer. I can tell you a little of how they feel. They feel overwhelmed and loved. By YOU loving them through this. YOUR love is getting them through. For the addicts, YOUR love is getting them through. Day by day, moment by moment.
When I was going through the really crappy chemo, I would pray, "Lord, help me to make it through until 4:00PM when Bill gets home. I just need to make it to 4:00PM." God said, "Just make it through this next 15 minutes. You only have to make it through the next 15 minutes, and then the next 15 and the next 15." And I did that. Minute by minute. And here I am 7 years later, living moment by moment hoping I can make a difference THIS moment!
