And the hits just keep coming. Today I am fighting depression again. Although my body and mind are healing, the process is slow going. It doesn't help to realize just how slow until I realize the world blowing by. THAT stupid cancer took 5 years from me and continues to take moments of life from me by questioning how strong I am now. I want to make a difference, I want to show others I can DO THIS. But I can't.
I thought about helping out with Liz's Girl Scout troop and have started down that path, and now struggling to keep up. I often wonder if I am pushing her into something that isn't her. I want to relive my scouting days with Olivia. When I was her troop leader, I also lead a woman's Bible Study, was working full time and taking care of my mom.
From that time in my life I became a cancer fighter. All I could do was be in bed, and somehow I was okay with it. (I'll have to read back on this blog) I know I lived through it. I know that was my one and only job. To LIVE.
And now living and fighting a different sort of fight. The fight of bordom, the fight of insecurities, fight, fight, fight. Or maybe not. Maybe it's not my job to fight anything. Maybe it's my job to be a mom, just a mom. Not a perfect mom, with the perfect house. See I was thinking, I'm so insecure about who I am, I over compensate by signing up for activities and duties and doing a little of each, instead of putting all my focus and energy into one. The ONE THING.
41“Martha, Martha, the Lord replied, “you are worried and upset about many things.42But only one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, and it will not be taken away from her.”…
Luke 10:41
So today, December 7, 2016 I will do the ONE necessary thing! I will bless my kids and my husband and let God take care of the rest.
Love you, love me, love you, love me!
Clues that I'm trying to do too much
~My van is in the shop (I keep volunteering to drive kids and yet I don't have the room!)
~Shin Spllints---OUCH!
~I constantly think of people to pray for (stop doing, start praying)
~My mind races and I can keep up!
~Not sleeping well ( I need to slow this brain down!)
~People have been giving me hints and "outs" but I don't take them, instead I take offense to them
~I find other "things" to keep me busy from doing what I'm suppose to (this blog... and with that I sign off!)
