In some ways life is more challenging now that the cancer is gone. I don't have that crutch, I don't get to see/ feel/ hear "Oh, that's too bad, here is a free pass". Now I have to push through the crap that gets thrown my way. I have to FEEL. Before, during the diagnosis, I could just say, "Oh, I'm going through cancer, my fight is cancer, pass on feeling bad or angry or anything negitive". Not so now. Now I have to re-learn how to feel crap, acknowledge crap, shovel through crap. (I hope my crap helps fertilize someone else's garden.)
So today. Today my feelings are failure, feeling overwhelmed, feeling tired. I have a new venture these days and these plans I have don't seem to be working out like I would like them to. Thus: failure throughts/ feelings. Overwhelmed because I take this all on and it's all-or-nothing in THE WAY I PLANNED IT TO WORK OUT. Thus: feelings of being overwhelmed. Feeling tired, because I see myself working this treadmill and IT'S NOT WORKING THE WAY I PLANNED.
So, I have learned in life, this... Have a feeling, acknowledge it, and move through it.
For moving through these thoughts, I notice they are each a cycle...feeling/ thought-> emotion-> feeling/ thought. But what if I was to give up what I thought was the RIGHT way? What if I was to give up control of how I think it's to go. What if I was to NOT rely on thoughts or feelings? Then I wouldn't have the emotion which would feed back into the feeling/ emotion.
I know this can all sound super weird, but I'm figuring this out, just in a blog and not in a group therapy session or my own journal. Plus I would rather move through this process then have to be stuck in a wheel of foreverness...
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