10.13.2020 Committed

 Here I sit committed to this blog. I read a blog once, about a man who was diagnosed with brain cancer. I found the blog because I wanted to know if tums helped with chemotheraphy drugs. His wife blogged that the only food he could hold down was tums and grapes. During chemo, the only thing I could eat would be grapes and tums. And I read through this blog. Then one day it stopped. Did he pass, what happened? Where did my friends go? I had started my blog by then and decided I would not let it fall away like that. Be it 1 reader or thousands. So here I am committed. Committed to telling this story. This crazy, wonderful story. Tonight I live and I reflect on what the last few years have looked like. I tried working for a few months and it took it's toll on my health, my family, just life in general. I got into counseling to heal from the emotional scars cancer had left in it's wake. For a good year I would say, I was in intensive therapy. I cried and cried and cried. I cried for myself, for my family, for Bill. Of all that I thought I had "lost" from the cancer. And sometime later I cried less and less. I smiled more. I had much more peace. Like that leaf floating away, the hurt, the pain I allowed to float away. Amazing things started happening after this. God was blessing me. I had a new committment to my faith. I held fast to HIS unchanging hand and my spiritual life was renewed with hope and grace and mercy. And about 6 months ago the corona virus broke out. I had some fears and hesitation at first mainly for my father who has lung issues. But I kept holding onto what I know to be true, Jesus came that I would have life, that my family would have life and life more abundantly. Again, soaring with HOPE and freedom. And now I am over six months out from my last appointment. I am in a place of complete trust again with my FATHER. I am trusting and having FAITH that I will be walked through this time of my life an unknown season, a season of reward and love. A season in which the enemy has to repay what was stolen from me. I am waiting on my FATHER, trusting HIM. CONTINUEING IN LOVE. He surely brought me though it and i cannot help but be ONLY COMMITTED to HIM. Love you, love me, love you, love me.