1.7.16 Author

I wonder how many times I start this blog and never even know what I am going to write about. Some authors may tell you this is not writing, but ah, my friend, it is. For you see they are words and they are meant to be read. I want to be an author. I want, oh, wait, I am. I AM AN AUTHOR! And a mom! I have days where I can't seem to muster the strength to get out of bed, but author's don't need to get out of bed, and. AND... mom's, good mom's don't need to either. If you do to the best of your ability, that is good. Yesterday was a dozy. I could blame on emotions, but it wasn't just emotions. I had apologies to get out, I had fears and loss to feel. To clarify, (because this is an open blog and I have shared it with my older kids), I had to apologize to another adult yesterday. I had to transition or change and they way in which I did, left me feeling as if I manipulated the situation for the other person to feel sorry for me, instead of bowing out gracefully, I thrashed about. I didn't like her.
     The fears I had, well, there's this fear when you apologize, that it won't be accepted. But someone told me once that when we apologize and ask for forgiveness, and step back, the ball is in their court. We can receive what they have to say or not say, but then game over. Walk off, walk off knowing you did your very best. The very best to your ability, that is good.
    The loss I felt, just came from missing another female I could talk to. I wanted to share with one of these women. I know now, I HAVE to be able to share with my heavenly Father, my husband and to seek out and trust other women. It will come, all in good time. Today, I am actually pretty proud of myself. I did something huge yesterday. In my life. I also recognize it is January, the 19th was my mom's birthday, I am No Evidence of Disease and transitioning into that realization. That I don't have this disease, but my job right now is to keep fighting it. Fighting the negativity in my life and moving forward to a life MORE fulfilling than any I've ever know. (Oh, and I also learned authors can and should use spellcheck). Love you, love me, love you, love me!